012 Margin is Fought For Once
My wife and I have been talking a lot about margin lately.
Not margin as an idea, but margin as something we’re actually craving in our everyday lives. Space to be present parents. Space to be engaged spouses. Space to be available to friends and family without feeling like everything is happening at the edge of our capacity.
The vision came easily.
What surprised us was how hard it felt to move from wanting that life… to actually living it.
There’s resistance that shows up right between intention and action. The moment when you realize that the life you want will require you to interrupt the life you’ve been living.
That’s where we kept getting stuck.
I’ve been thinking about it like activation energy — the initial effort it takes to get something moving. When you’re already tired or stretched thin, even good changes can feel heavy at the start. It takes energy to simplify. Energy to decide ahead of time. Energy to stop defaulting to what’s familiar.
And when that initial cost feels high, it’s tempting to keep circling the vision without stepping into it.
Here’s the insight that finally clicked for us:
Boundaries require energy early on — but they lower the cost of living aligned over time.
Boundaries aren’t about restriction. They’re about removing constant negotiation. They take dozens of small decisions off your plate so you’re not spending energy deciding the same things over and over again.
Once we saw that, things shifted.
So for us, creating margin meant re-establishing a few clear boundaries:
Food.
Mealtimes had become stressful. Too many options. Too much short-order cooking. So we simplified — meals everyone can eat, fewer decisions, more peace at the table.
Content.
We made a conscious decision to limit stimulation in this season. Fewer videos. Audiobooks instead of constant podcasts. Grayscale on the phone more often. Less noise competing for our attention.
Silence.
Not dramatic solitude — just less input. Quieter mornings. Fewer layers of stimulation. More presence with the people right in front of us.
Rushing.
This one’s been big. Margin can’t coexist with constant hurry. And while rushing feels inevitable with kids in this stage of life, we’ve realized it’s been costing us more than we want to pay. Saying yes less often has turned out to be a kinder boundary — for us and for our family.
None of this has made life perfect. But it has made life lighter.
That’s when I realized something important: freedom isn’t found in endless choice. It’s found in deciding what matters, and letting that decision carry you forward.
Margin doesn’t appear on its own.
But once it’s protected, it protects you back. It’s fought for once.
Where might a boundary feel hard to initiate right now, but quietly reduce the effort it takes to live the life you want over time?
Sometimes the most kind thing we can do for our future selves is spend a little energy today — so tomorrow doesn’t demand quite so much.
Big Ideas
The Dip: Almost anything meaningful has a Dip.
The Dip is the period after the excitement wears off but before the results show up. It’s where things feel harder than expected, slower than promised, and less rewarding than you hoped.
Most people quit in the Dip — not because they can’t succeed, but because they mistake discomfort for failure. (Thanks to Seth Godin for this insight)
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What I’m reading
On the Road With Saint Augustine by James K.A. Smith
Make Sense of Your Story by Adam Young on audiobook
What I’m listening to
Not a whole lot outside of the book above. Lots of music right now. Taking the opportunity in the New Year to have less input in my life through podcasts and YouTube videos.
Quote for reflection
Just finished Becoming You by Suzy Welch and loved how she talked about the idea of calling or purpose, which she terms the Area of Transcendence (the nexus of values, aptitudes and economically viable interests)
“The right-fitting, soul-filling, and enlivening destination of the beautiful, messy, complex, and precious journey we call life.”
Stay Aligned,
Mark