010 Alignment Needs Margin
This was a really hard trip.
My family went to Disney recently carrying more than luggage. I arrived already stretched thin — managing burnout, mental load, health worries, logistics, and the quiet pressure to hold everything together as the dad. By the time we arrived, I was already tired. The environment just asked for more than I had left to give.
The hardest part wasn’t the driving or the walking or even the planning. It was trying to be a calm, present, and patient dad while my body and mind were already on edge. Wanting to let my kids be kids while also trying to control outcomes I couldn’t actually control — their food, their energy, their emotions, their health.
They were present. I was worried about what was next.
There were moments of real joy — sitting together at shows, holding little hands on rides with the mixed emotions of fear and elation, watching wonder unfold in their faces at the nighttime parade. Those moments mattered. But the emotional load stayed high the entire trip. And when we came home, my body told the truth: the adrenaline wore off, and I crashed. Hard.
Here’s what I’ve been reflecting on since.
I don’t think the struggle means something was wrong. I think it means something mattered deeply.
I was trying to show up. I was trying to be present. I was trying to lead my family well in a demanding environment — without much margin left (Richard Swenson says margin is the space between our load and our limits). Alignment with the dad I want to be didn’t fail me on that trip. Capacity did.
And that’s an important distinction.
We often assume that when life feels hard, we must doing something wrong or be off course from the path. But sometimes the strain is simply the cost of caring deeply without enough space to support it yet. Alignment, especially in seasons of responsibility and leadership, doesn’t remove tension. Sometimes it reveals where more margin is needed.
I’m learning to ask a different question now — one I’ll leave you with too:
Where in your life might the struggle be evidence that you’re trying to live aligned with what matters most — not that you’re doing it wrong?
Here’s your kind reminder to not throw out or fix something just because it’s hard.
Sometimes the hard things come with tension.
Sometimes it’s to create the space that alignment needs to breathe.
Big Ideas
Beauty as a burnout anecdote: Experiencing beauty through music, art, nature, or another creative pursuit takes us out of the ordinary and directs our hearts towards something far greater. I’ve found the pursuit of beauty through music to be a great anecdote against burnout by lifting the gaze of our soul to something transcendent and awe-inspiring.
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What I’m reading
Star Wars: Lost Stars by Claudia Gray (If you’re a Star Wars fan, send me your favorite novel!)
Becoming You: The Proven Method for Crafting Your Authentic Life and Career by Suzy Welch
What I’m listening to
Daniel Pink on how to rebuild your attention span:
Set your baseline. How long can you go without checking your phone?
Eliminate distractions. Set your phone in another room. Turn on DND. Disable problematic apps.
Create a focus ritual. Make yourself a playlist that means it’s focus time.
Work in focus & break cycles. Take a walk. Without your phone.
Reconnect attention to meaning. Give yourself a purpose for your work!
Coming back to beauty: Beethoven’s Symphony #9 by the London Symphony Orchestra and Oh, Come, All Ye Faithful and The First Noel by BYU Musicians have all moved me to tears this week. So good for the soul.
Quote for reflection
From Paul in the Letter to the Ephesians (5:1-2):
“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave himself up for us.”
Stay Aligned,
Mark